New Kona hardtail

Let's face it, the King Kikakakakakakakapu and the Stinky Deluxe are overpriced, overhinged lumps of rubbish. What you really want is a hardtail.
But not just any hardtail, oh no. For that proper urban-free-streetride image, you have to have something that looks like it was stolen by a skaghead, swapped at Cash Converters for fifty quid and then left out in the rain.

And thus, Mr Chin Chin McGee, our occasional contributer, has paid 65 quid for what he claims to be 'the ultimate pub bike/local water park/dog walker and occasional commuter'.
Bet he sells it in two weeks and upgrades to a Blur XC again though.

More reasons not to buy an Intense M6

Because if they're not being ridden by Stallone-lookalikes, then it's by a bloke in a rubber suit trying to beat a land speed record. So you'll end up looking like an Austrian numpty.

Reasons not to buy an Intense M6

Let's get some of the fairly obvious ones out the way first.

1. You're not a ten-year-old. So you shouldn't be impressed by things named after guns. Named after guns by somebody who was so excited that he couldn't spell 'UZI' properly (probably putting in two z's because it looked like it might be more 'street'?) and had to name another bike after some bunch of nancy Yank soldiers (yes, stand up anyone who bought the SOCOM). This would never happen in the UK, because if Orange brought out a Royal Fusilier nobody would be able to pronounce it. 'Triple 2' is enough of a struggle for Captain Bad Teeth and the rest of the Tilgate/Chicksands massive. There's scant chance of Commencal wanting to have something called a French Foreign Legion, and al-Quaeda don't, as far as we know, manufacture bikes.
2. You are a ten-year-old. In which case you're too young to have that much money, and should really be sniffing glue like your mates or trying to pull Fat Mandy, the girl who smells of biscuits and has every chance of messing up your nascent sexuality before you've even reached adolescence.
3. It's named after a motorway. OK, so you lie to yourself and think you're not saluting some redneck gun nut by plumping for this. So what else can it be? Is it really tenable to believe that Intense's naming procedure is based on the M1, the M3 and the M6? What's next? The A303 (probably a bike that is great for riding behind caravans very slowly and not going very close to Stonehenge). Stop the madness. Bikes should have decent names, that reflect their function. Like the Norco Sasquatch that is in my shed, for example.
4. Chris Kovarik rides one. So if you aspire to look like Sylvester Stallone (but to be an even worse boxer - not even Rocky actually got punched out by a 6 foot hobbit-look-a-like from Adelaide in a bar in Les Gets in 2003) then this might seem a good thing, but consider the facts: he's got silly hair, he has the same initials as Calvin Klein, he has a stupid accent and as the kiss of death, Dirt can't stop going on about how great he is on flat pedals. Ooo, how strong you are, Chrissy whissy. While the rest of them entertain these frankly disturbing homoerotic fantasies about a man with really, really big calf muscles, it might be worth remembering that there's another Australian who rides on flat pedals, who actually tends to win World Cups.*
5. It has too many pivots. Let's face it, who has time to lubricate all those things? Unless you have a small team of one-legged pirates from up in Chester to keep the thing going, you know it'll seize up in a week. And then you'll be sorry. Besides which, real men ride single pivots, which is a FACT. The only people who don't are all women or read magazines like MBR that tell them they have to have a Horst link** on the back of their bike, and hope that this makes up for the fact that they actually can't ride for toffee.
6. The team this year is sponsored by Chain ReactionThis might seem like a good idea, but the trouble is what with paying the immense bill for CK to get his hair blow dried every night, the price of all your shiny mail order goods is about to go through the roof.

* Unfortunately he also is the subject of various magazines babbling on about how he can do no wrong and is the most amazing cyclist ever, when in fact it's only because all the Brits are too drunk to train properly that they can't keep up. What other reason was there for the embarrassing spectacle of a bunch of unfit rejects chasing a comedy time down Fort William in 2007? If Greg 'Diplomatic Immunity' Minnaaaaaar can almost catch up with a dislocated shoulder, he can't be that good you know.
** That's actually a MacPherson strut and as such if Specialized could patent it in the States, you wonder why they didn't sue Ford for the rear suspension of all the 1973 Escorts too.