Review: Specialized Fireball Lights

[Guest review from Drugzilla:]
Yeah you faackin wankahz, so I wanted to get some faaackin lights for my bike for riding at night. Trouble was, I can't spend too faaackin much 'cause I already spent a whole faackin lot on the old wheelbarrow, so I went and got these faaackin Specialized Fireballs. Fire Bollocks more like mate.
Positives:
They weigh a whole fackin lot so you get some good exercise, you faackin quack quack
Negatives:
They ain't faaackin fireballs, are they? Faaackin wankah at Specialized needs his head sorting out. If I wanted one of them things with faackin light emitting dildos in it then that's what I'd buy, I WANTED FACKIN FIREBALLS YOU WANKAHZ.
Stuck them in the cupboard, went back to the taxi driver party. It was full of wankahz. Got in the old wheelbarrow and sniffed my way home.